Monday
AUGUST 29, 2020
THE PRESIDENT IS IN YOUR PERSONAL NETWORK (Newsday)
The massive federal contract for conducting the electronic voting in the 2020 Presidential Election has been awarded to MySpace.com, the ubiquitous social networking site, announced Whitehouse spokeswoman Jelli Maroon at a press briefing this morning.
Diebold Corporation, who has provided computers and systems for the last five presidential elections, was denied the contract in April after recently declassified documents revealed extensive vote fraud in the 2004 and 2008 elections.
"This is going to be the best election - ever. I most certainly am being for reals, here, folks," said Congresswoman (and Republican presidential hopeful) Jenna Bush (R-TX). "Now we'll see who really gets the most 'popular' votes."
"Now the people of America will be able to truly experience new levels of interactivity and access to voting," said Senator Adrian Malkoven (D-RI). "I invite you today to the opportunity to visit my MySpace page. If you have any doubt that I have the mad skills necessary to move this country forward, you can check out my six thousand testimonials."
Critics have called the plan "stupid." Congressional leaders in support of the contract assignment have said "No, it so totally not stupid." Critics are expected to issue a press release rejoinder later in the week.
