Tuesday
May 4, 2114
Creationist Fiction Tops Best Seller Lists (Ussher-Lightfoot Time Magazine)
(Alexander, AL) Outside a small bookstore in the usually sleepy rural town, crowds stretch around the block for nearly a quarter mile awaiting the release of the newest bestseller from Dr. (honorary degree) Thaddeus Smithson author of the "What If God..." series. The snowballing popularity of this new movement, which borrows heavily from the "science fiction" genre popularized in the last century (and systematically eradicated midway through the current century) is growing so rapidly it's fans believe zealously that it must be the divine will of an invisible and omnipotent entity.
"Me and my family just love the books," said stay at home mom and home-school teacher June Bartlett, "The stories are so fanciful and at the same time exalt our Lord of Lords Jesus Christ. Really, to think of what the world would be like if God had created some kind of bizarre giant reptiles sometime before the flood, or if God almighty made this crazy system using what Dr. Smithson calls 'empirical data', did I say that right?.. and something, I think it's 'factual evidence', to achieve predictable results, of course we know God never did anything like that 'cause it isn't in the scriptures. But you know sometimes it's fun to be a little scared of The Almighty, it strengthens our faith as a communion in the loving sight of our sweet baby Jesus."
When asked about his fantastic success Dr. Smithson said, "I think it's important for us to realize how lucky we really are. If God had wanted to put any of this in the Bible, he durn well could have brought it to pass seeing as He is all powerful, but in His stern love for us he decided to not bring these things into being by omitting their mention from the most sacred of sacred texts which we all understand are the the only law and way. But still God can do anything, so he could have done anything. Do you hear what I am saying brother? He's had 6000 years of things he could have been doing with the Earth, He could do them now if He wanted. He could do or re-undo anything anytime. Now that is power."
Smithson went on to state that he is currently working on a work of nonfiction written entirely in tounges, "It's gonna be so sho lo obobasacta babashinta you'll deka mosho pa kamo disalaba in your pants."
(Alexander, AL) Outside a small bookstore in the usually sleepy rural town, crowds stretch around the block for nearly a quarter mile awaiting the release of the newest bestseller from Dr. (honorary degree) Thaddeus Smithson author of the "What If God..." series. The snowballing popularity of this new movement, which borrows heavily from the "science fiction" genre popularized in the last century (and systematically eradicated midway through the current century) is growing so rapidly it's fans believe zealously that it must be the divine will of an invisible and omnipotent entity.
"Me and my family just love the books," said stay at home mom and home-school teacher June Bartlett, "The stories are so fanciful and at the same time exalt our Lord of Lords Jesus Christ. Really, to think of what the world would be like if God had created some kind of bizarre giant reptiles sometime before the flood, or if God almighty made this crazy system using what Dr. Smithson calls 'empirical data', did I say that right?.. and something, I think it's 'factual evidence', to achieve predictable results, of course we know God never did anything like that 'cause it isn't in the scriptures. But you know sometimes it's fun to be a little scared of The Almighty, it strengthens our faith as a communion in the loving sight of our sweet baby Jesus."
When asked about his fantastic success Dr. Smithson said, "I think it's important for us to realize how lucky we really are. If God had wanted to put any of this in the Bible, he durn well could have brought it to pass seeing as He is all powerful, but in His stern love for us he decided to not bring these things into being by omitting their mention from the most sacred of sacred texts which we all understand are the the only law and way. But still God can do anything, so he could have done anything. Do you hear what I am saying brother? He's had 6000 years of things he could have been doing with the Earth, He could do them now if He wanted. He could do or re-undo anything anytime. Now that is power."
Smithson went on to state that he is currently working on a work of nonfiction written entirely in tounges, "It's gonna be so sho lo obobasacta babashinta you'll deka mosho pa kamo disalaba in your pants."
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YES! mandakala bokoshoto! praise him praise him... kalashinda bekonolundo mafeeza-konitoko!!! open up, open UP!!!
did you know that the christian booksellers association convention was in denver last week? they're gonna be pissed they missed this news... obobabasactah.
did you know that the christian booksellers association convention was in denver last week? they're gonna be pissed they missed this news... obobabasactah.
riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.
Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passen-core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot a peck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and rory end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface.
The fall bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner-
ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur- nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later on life down through all christian minstrelsy.
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Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passen-core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot a peck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and rory end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface.
The fall bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner-
ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur- nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later on life down through all christian minstrelsy.
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